Imagine: You're an ex-con. You did the crime, did the time, now you're out, paid your debt, etc. Now, two years after ye get outta jail, some eejit comes up tae you, tells you "By the way - ken that crime ye served time for an all? Thought you were done, eh? Well, time's come tae pay for it again."
Doesnae the Constitution protect against double jeopardy? Doesnae the fifth amendment say once you've been convicted an served your sentence, that's it? Yea, if you're a burglar, a crack dealer, an auto thief, even a murderer. But nae if you're convicted of buggering a bairn.
Needless tae say - I hope - I'm nae supportin the buggerin a bairns, nor the right of anyone tae bugger a bairn. What I'm supportin here is fairness an equality in the so-called justice system.
Megan's Law, now in effect in many states, says that if you're a convicted sex offender (crimes ranging from buggerin bairns tae havin consensual buggery wi another adult, at least in Georgia), you have tae register wi the state as a Convicted Sex Offender, and wherever you go in that state, wherever you move tae, ya gotta notify all your neighbors that Yes, I Am A Sex Offender; better nae let your kids near. Kinda reminds me of The Scarlet Letter - gotta go around wi a big scarlet M, for molester, on yir shirt for the rest a your life.
This is how it happened: in New Jersey, Jesse Timmendequas, a convicted child molester, moves intae this nice suburban neighborhood. Nae one knows bout his soiled past, and he seems a nice enough lot, ken? The parents a the hood have nae problem wi him, thinking he's Just Another Nice, Quiet Guy. And then this bairn Megan, the guy lures her intae his house, rapes her, kills her. Horrible, wi out a doubt; I says fry him, but that isnae relevant tae my point.
My point is, after Megan is murdered, parents, senators, and the rest of Us Decent Folk begin wailin, "If only we'd known about the guy! We coulda kept our bairn away from him!" Soon, hysterical legislators begin enactin sex offender notification laws. Had these laws been in place at the time, might Megan not have died? Quite possibly. However, I dinnae believe this justifies the laws; they're the equivalent of puttin a band-aid on a sucking chest wound.
I dinnae like the implications of these notification laws. Were we in a halfway sane, intelligent country, the hysterical legislators and public would have noticed the implications and done something about the underlying problem. But nae, instead a addressing that, the legislators pass these illogical laws.
First of all, there's the sex offender. He buggers the bairn, does his time, gets out a jail. Then, a year after, the government comes tae him and says "By the way...." Now, if I were the guy, I would sue both the state and the prison. I spent my time in jail; I paid my price. By making me Register and Notify, whae this government is in effect saying is that "Sorry, we know ye paid the price we told ye tae pay, but it wasnae enough. We told you ye had tae go to jail, yet we had nae reason tae actually believe that going tae prison would in any way deter ye from buggerin bairns." He oughtta sue the prison for nae "curing" him a his deviant urges; clearly, if they'd done their job, there'd be no need a such a law.
By passing notification laws, the state is blatantly admitting that spending X amount a time behind bars, wearin an orange jumpsuit and doing manual labor in no way actually does anything to "rehabilitate" the prisoners; they come out wi urges to commit crimes that are just as strong as when they went in. This brings tae mid a couple a questions: first, whae, then, is the point a sending people tae jail, if we know that it's nae gonna do any good? Secondly, if the government's gonna admit that prisons don't do any good, then why the hell aren't they working on finding some kinda system that does? Were we in a sane society, the public would say "Prisons dinnae work? Really? Then considering the vast amount a people in them, most of whom will eventually get back out, we oughtta work our asses off finding something that will actually reform criminals." But nae, the government just says "Prisons don't work? Hmmm... better create laws tae track the criminals when they get out, so when they commit the crimes again, we'll have an easier time a finding them."
And another thing - if we're gonna have laws so that Nice, Decent Folk know when Sex Offenders move next door and can keep their bairns away from them, why dinnae we extend these laws tae other criminals? I have nae bairns, but I do have a lot a possessions I'd like tae keep. I'm nae worried about sex offenders, but the idea of living next tae a burglar or murderer does make me nervous. Why, if we're gonna admit that prisons dinnae work, do we nae have to have Burglar Notification Laws, so I'll know who tae look for when my house gets broken intae? Or DUI Notifictation Laws; put a nice big "I'm a DUI Offender" sticker on drunks' cars, so I'll know who tae stay away from when I'm on the road? Or Jaywalking Notification Laws, so I'll know which eejits are mostly likely tae jump off of the sidewalk and land in front a me car?
It's nae the same thing, you say? Burglary is nae as bad as child molesting? Well, we give the same punishment/rehabilitative wank/revenge, free college courses, med care, etc. tae both bairn buggerers and burglars; why should only buggerers be subject tae notification laws?
Perhaps...
AH! Of course! I see it now! For some reason, wearing orange jumpsuits, living behind bars etc cures every criminal of every criminal urge except buggery. Nae one who gets out a jail ever commits robbery, drug use, DUI, etc. ever again - otherwise, we'd have DUI Notification Laws (or better yet, realize that prisons dinnae work and find something that damn well does). Nae one who gets outta jail every commmits auto theft again - otherwise, we'd have Auto Thief Notification laws. However, for some mysterious reason, this panacea of orange jumpsuits and bars doesnae work for bairn buggerers. Therefore, we need to waste millions of taxpayers' dollars figuring out why. I think it's a truly fascinatin psuedo-scientific question - why doesnae it work for the buggerers? And what would? Maybe pink jumpsuits instead a orange, or perhaps make them say "Wooly Woo Ha" fifteen times per hour?
The public has a right to know - why does prison "fix" all criminals except child molesters? So call your representatives, demand they form committees and subcommittees and take surveys and hear Expert Scientific Opinons and find out why. Reassure them that you dinnae expect them tae actually fix the problem, or even attempt to. You'd just like tae know why, that's all. Remind them that this's a great opportunity to waste both time and money, not to mention hearing keen "Lack of morals, that's the problem!" type speeches from Newt Gingrich and Jesse Helms. Tell them tae eventually put out a 35,000 page report, and send you a copy, since you need something tae prop up that broken sofa leg, and tell them they can use their favorite words (God, country, morals, liberals, family values, puppies, economics) all they want. Tell them they are free to blame the problem on liberals, conservatives, global warming, Ellen DeGeneres, or whatever's got them all red in the face this week.
And most importantly, tell them Mike Madden sent you.