Yes, Virginia, the white people must die.
Just in case ye were wondering, ye ken.
I have proof. Just in case ye were thinking to yourself, "Maybe the white hairless monkeys ain't so bad after awl. Maybe, deep down, they're sensitive, compassionate, tasteful creatures, and not the sort ay folks who brought us such wonders as the Nazis, the Crusades, the decline ay Western Civilization (Full House, starring the Olsen Twins), the decline ay Eastern Civilization (Disneyworld Tokyo), Cambodia Disney (forget your poverty an party wi the Giant Rat!!!), an, ay course, Kathie Lee Gifford."
I mean, what's next? Re-creating the wonderful bowls ay rice enjoyed in those last three minutes before the Enola Gay entered Hiroshima airspace?
This is it. This incident destroyed awl my arguments against gun control.
Go out and buy one now, O Brethren Behind the Counter.
Here's an excerpt:
"There is more to re-creating the final first class dinner on the Titanic than cooking and serving the dishes... Just as important is the sense of expectation that precedes the event..."
Parody? Satire? Nope. That's from a book called Last Dinner on the Titanic.
Sound horrible and tasteless? Hey, it gets worse.
Recently, a bunch of bored, rich, overdressed eejits with far far FAR too much free time oan their hands got together at the Walden Club, the most exclusive club in Chattanooga (Chattanada, home ay the Chattablahblah Free of News Press, same paper where awl info in this rant is stolen from).
They reenacted the Titanic dinner.
Sense ay expectation? I wonder what they could ay been expecting? Maybe, umm... chess? no. love? no. boogie? no.... A NAUTICAL DISASTER?!?!?!?!?
The Club wis able tae put together "not only the final menu served on the ship, but an ambiance that was so correct that guests actually felt they were on the ship..."
"Most of the passengers who were on the real Titanic were wealthy Americans returning home after the winter season...they belonged to a Transatlantic leisure class...."
And the leisure (read: useless rich purposeless morons whose only justification fir existin is pleasin themselves) class ay today reenacted it.
Yeah, I'd make em feel they were oan the ship. Especially when I pished doon thir throats, then threw em in lifeboats (read: strategically placed iron madiens)
"The waiters were all dressed as they were on the ship... the table decor was the same... round bowls filled with water and goldfish were on each table...."
Keeping in the theme ay DROWNING, accourse.
"No one left feeling stuffed." Thank God. Nothing worse than bloated rich white people.
Leslie Greenhill came down from Nashville for the event, said "Needless to say, everyone got an unearthly feeling."
Yeah. Ye should see the pictures ay them SMILING.
DIE, DIE!!! White people celebrating other white people drowning. AWRIGHT!!!
The evening wis ay smashin succccccessssss.
Nae of them bothersome dark colored folk were around tae spoil the evening, apparently, nor were any actually survivors ay SHIPWRECKS.
What's next? Perhaps I should start a service. "Relive the swanky Titanic drowning. Authentic cuisine and smeg, er, swank." And then, when they're stuffed, we let them experience the "subtleties" ay whae it's like to NAY BREATHE, cause me and me droogs are thir heads doon in the pool.
Just kidding. We don't have a pool.
We'd use the Inconvenience Store toilet instead.
And then, "Relive the Last Supper!" Let em feast with Christ, enjoy the sumptous fare, then take em awl ootside an nail em tae trees.
Or, the Last Hindenberg dinner. Take em in the air, feed em, set em oan fire an toss em tae the ground.
Very swanky-swanky.
INCONSEQUENTLY, THE STORY SO FAR:
M.P. DIED. A MONTH LATER, HAMM WAS READING THE GLUTENSLOBVAIN BOOK AY THE DEAD OVER HIS BODY AND MANAGED TO SCARE HIM TO DEATH WITH THREATS OF AN AFTERLIFE AT THE CRUDDY BAR UP THE ROAD. EXCEPT THAT HE WAS ALREADY DEAD SO WE SCARED HIM NOT TO DEATH, BUT TO LIFE.
UNFORTUNATELY, THE DECAY HAD SEVERELY DAMAGED HIM. WE WEREN'T SURE IF HE WAS GONNA BE THE SAME.
SO WE FED HIM THE SLUDGE FROM THE POT OF COFFEE HE HAD MADE JUST BEFORE HIS DEATH, THE POT THAT WAS STILL FESTERING ON THE BURNER A MONTH LATER, CAUSE NO ONE ELSE HAD MADE ANY SINCE.
THE CAFFEINE SEEMS TO HAVE RESTORED HIM. WE THINK. NOTE THAT IN THIS RANT, HE USED THE WORD DROOG, WHICH HE NEVER DID BEFORE.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? YOU DECIDE.
BITCH.
LOVE, THE DARK OVERLORDS AY INCONVENIENCE STORES
Consequently, notice that the Dark Overlords just used the word "Bitch", which they can't actually do according to the employee handbook (a joke along the lines of the Bible).
What does that mean? Ye decide.
Droog.
And now, a word from Hamm:
Try Hamm's Home Brewed Pork Beer! Cheap, yet fatty, yet addictive! Just look for the WOO-HOO on the label and you know it's Hamm's!
I, MP, darnkk hte sfutuff onct. Lkko whae ti dddid fir meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee