It is a kind of bravado; the boys of Super Stoner, the men of Us Behind the Counter, this ritual of the Screaming of the Eejits.
The blue of the deadly smocks, like the blood which rushes away from their black hearts, pounding, crashing in waves like an angry ocean, as the adrenaline rises from glands pulsating, pulsing like the yellow sun, watching all overhead.
Oh, forget it. I'll check my e-mail.
Dear Chattanooga Free Press:
Why is it that at least once a week, some yokel comes up with the brilliant NEW revelation that America's lack of morality is causing it to go down the toilet, and writes in screaming this drivel as if she was the first genius to ever invent this "theory"? How often must we be subjected to their from letters stating that "long ago" (the 50's?) every American was a nice, straight white married Christian and America, God's sovereign nation (isn't that somewhere in Genesis?) benevolently ruled the Earth (except of course the goofy commies)? Not to mention rantings on how the UN has nothing better to do than salivate to take over America and turn it into an evil New Age dictatorship, destroying its Holy democracy (just look at the great democracies of the Bible - wasn't Reagan President of Israel?).
Why don't you just print up a form "World, hell, death, no morals" letter and let them sign it?
- Mary L., Lookout Mountain
Dear Mrs. Lupton:
Ah dinnae ken whae the heck yir talkin boot. And why do you keep sending these letters to me? I told you, I am NOT the Free Press. Shut up. Whatever.
Okay, fine. I'll refer you to our resident religious expert, Rev. G.D. Flantantino:
"It's a kind of bravado"? What the hell that be all about, MP? Some kinda whiny white rant? And you, Lupton woman, ain't been puttin no bread in my collection basket if you know what I mean. Not since yo hubby got back from Europe.
Europe, birthplace you damn Lexus succubuus. Hell, bitch, the fifties be my time. I kick mo commie ass in Nam than you ever moo goo gai pan. No, wait, that was the sixties and I was playing with Hendrix back then. You ever hear "Purple Haze" performed on a pipe organ? Man, the Catholics burn you alive fo playin them tritones. Hell. Pope a bitch. He need calm hisself down. Protestant just as bad. Still believe in Revelations sit round talkin bout world gonna end God get mad and crap. I talk to God this mornin he say
Well, thanks Reverend. Thit's awl fir this week. Yir suit's on fire. Oh, nevermind, it's supposed tae look like thit.
M.P. MADDEN has a stomach which produces twice the acid which a normal human's stomach would produce. And he has a smelly cat. Currently all his bodily fluids have been requisitioned by evil nurses and sent to a research lab at the Chattanooga Dump. He anxiously awaits the results.