Well, ah've been kidnapped. Dinnae ask how.
Ye Olde Catch Phrase:
I dinnae ken.
But ah have. Been. An I am being forced tae interview this kitten woman thing.
For God's sake, send help.
And I don't mean Flantantino.
Quoth the kitten coalition girl:
Do you know what MP stands for?
Mikey-Poo!!!!!!
(Help!!)
MP is an inconsiderate "typical male" jerk.
All he ever does is complain about how he hates my cat.
He bought me the damn cat!
If he didn't want to live with a cat he should never have gotten me the cat let alone convinced me to move in with him.
He doesn't help clean the house.
I guess he thinks cleaning is "woman's work" or some such bullshit.
Oh and he doesn't think I should be allowed to have any privacy. He's going though my organizer as I type.
He's forcing me to write this rant.
Ha I QUIT!!!!!!
She can nae quit now! She calls that a rant! I've seen better rants done by two year old bairns! Ha!
Now shes burning her incense. Stinkiness abounds. NEVER NEVER NEVER let a kitten woman wear yir leather, it will come back stinking ay perfume.
"I've never brought your leather jacket home stinking of perfume!"
Right.
Whatever.
She is Queen ay the Inane.
And she's sooo tired. Big change. She wis born tired.
She will die tired.
And she loves the X Files.
"Mulder a bitch. He need to calm hisself down."
Guess who said thit.
She says BLEH.
She thinks she's gonna puke.
She says to leave her alone.
Wow. I'm so impressed. I shall now say I want to break up with her. Let's see the response.
She says Fine, Move Out.
She says she'll find a better man.
Right. I'd like to see that.
She says Oh well, darn.
I tell her this is an inane waste of bandwidth.
She says Of what?
I tell her she is the worst wife I've ever had.
She says Whatever.
She says she should be shot.
And this, kiddies, is why this is nae a Family Column.
Me family is too inane.
And now she wants money.
She's goin through me wallet.
Send help.
She wants to know whae I'm doon tonight. I says it nae her concern.
Really. Send help.
This is it. My life, live.
Scary, huh?
Now she's returnin me Jewel CD. Which I hate. And kissin on me.
My Fiona Apple, which does nae suck, she will nae give back.
She say Right. And she kisses me.
I'm going to put her cat in the little kitty electric chair I built and execute him for crimes of Extreme Smelliness.
Won't that be fun?
She says sure.
She yawns and mewps and pewps.
Here's a kitten coalition song:
Meet Kathy who's lived most everywhere
From Ooltewah to Bradley Square
But Natlee's only seen the sights a girl can see from
Mikey's bed
What a crazy pair!
But they're kittens
Identical kittens and you'll find
They mewp alike they pewp alike at times they even poop alike
You could lose yir mind
When kittens...are two of a kind!
She says she doesn't feel good.
She says it's a passe and tiresome little melody.
She is a stinky girl thing and I can say whatever I want about her because she cannot defend herself now!!!!!!!
She tries to break my neck.
I'm going to call her Jennifer Love Hewitt cause they look absolutely identical.
She says I'm not Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Her cat is a retarded little moron.
She says He's smarter than you.
I tell her her parents hate her cat. When she leaves him at thier house they keep him in a shoebox. Sometimes they remember to punch airholes.
She says Typical Mikey ploy.
She says You say that every day and I'm tired of it and I want something new.
So I pee on her.
She says Put it away I've already seen it today.
Gotta go. I'm gonna go beat my woman. She likes that.
She says Get a life.
She says Leave me alone.
And she still wants money.
The small child has just entered wearing a dress and claiming he is a ballerina. I really have tae go.
She says she thinks she gonna puke.