Before I begin this month's rant, there are are few things you should know about me:

1. I am on a crappy 56k connection. Bandwidth is precious to me.
2. My roommates become agitated - sometimes violently - if I spend more than an hour online. When I am online, they cannot use the phone.
3. I absolutely fucking hate anime.
4. Garbage has a new album coming out in, like, a month. Bootleg mp3s abound on the internet.

5. Whenever I am on Neo, or some post-Napster "file-exchangary" internet place, I have more or less NO BANDWIDTH to spare. None. Nada. Zip. Therefore, if you try to upload something off my computer, I'm going to kill that fucking goddamn transfer faster than Gary Condit on a hot Chandra day.

   I'm an asshole and a hypocrite, and I have no problem greedily downloading mp3 after mp3, and then denying you, my fellow man, the right to download said mp3s from my hard drive.

   See, if I let you leech off me, it eats up my bandwidth, which means for me files take ten trillion times longer to download, which means I spend waaay too long online, which pisses off my roommates, who then force me to watch "DragonBall Motherfucking ZQ" or some horrid histrionic juvenile bullshit like that. Why didn't we finish off Japan when we had the chance? Man, I hate non-whites. Just kidding. I love all non-whites, except of course for the Scottish.

6. Huh? Oh. Yeah. I don't share my mp3's with anyone named "Fairylalalaheeheetickle2001". If I repeatedly kill your connection, take the hint and stay the fuck off my hard drive, granola bitch.
7. If you send me repeated instant messages saying "hey dude r dudett why don't U let me finish I want to donwlaod" I will repeatedly reply to you "MAN PLUM HAT!" with increasing numbers of exclamation points.
8. Everyone who enjoys anime is a pedophile, or is lying.
9. If you, 39 times, yes I counted, 39 times, re-connect and attempt to eat my bandwidth, I will assume you are retarded, and will begin spelling "MAN PLUM HAT!" phonetically so you will be able to understand what I am saying.
10. I didn't share jack shit in kindergarten, either.
11. If this is a global village, I'm the crazy old man with the shotgun who shoots and eats trespassers.

Now, on to the rant:

Oooh, look at me! I'm weering aye kilt! I'm nae a retard, I'm just Scottish! Woo woo! I'm the nigger of the UK! Aye! Aye! Aye! Would ye like to hear aboot me clan? I am MacDuff! Can I spend eight fooking hours boring ye with every last fooking detail of my every ancestor who ever farted into aye bagpipe! Oooh, woo! Can I borrow a shilling sir! May aye lick yer boot cleen! Aye! Aye!

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