Because of where I work, I live on a third shift schedule. I sleep in the daytime and I do not wake up before 2 p.m. at the earliest. I encounter problems sometimes with people who refuse to acknowledge or respect this fact. Therefore, to avoid any future confusion, I am establishing the following rules:

1. If you want me to meet you somewhere, do not schedule the meeting for any earlier than 3 p.m.
2. If you ask me to meet you at noon or whatever, I WILL NOT be there. I will be sleeping.
3. Sometimes you may feel you have a very important reason for wanting me to meet you earlier than 3 p.m. You may browbeat me or guilt-trip me or whatever into agreeing to meet you at an early hour. I warn you now, if I make such an agreement, I am lying. I will oversleep and I won't show up. I only said I'd be there so you would shut the hell up and leave me alone.
4. I wouldn't expect you to get up in the middle of the night for me. I expect the same freaking courtesy from you.
5. In fact, 3 p.m. is pretty damn early for me. I am often scheduled to be at work at 3 and I never make it there on time. Try asking me to be wherever you want me to be at 4 p.m., or better yet, 5 p.m.
6. Do NOT call my apartment before 3 in the afternoon. I don't have a phone in my room, so there is no chance you will wake me. All you will do is piss off my roommates.
7. No, my roommates will not wake me up for you.
8. No, seriously, they WILL NOT wake me. I don't care what your reason is. If somebody is dying or has been rushed to the emergency room or whatever, well, I'm not a doctor so I can't possibly be of any help. If somebody has died, well, they won't be any deader by the time I get up.

Thank you for respecting these rules, and have a pleasant day.

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